


After Every War, Someone Has To Clean Up

by CaremKefo



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Destroy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, Marriage Proposal, Post-Mass Effect 3, Shepard Survives, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 18:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9778568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaremKefo/pseuds/CaremKefo
Summary: After Shepard destroyed the Reapers she and Kaidan still have a job to do. The Asari are repairing the Mass Relays, but until then someone needs to keep the peace between worlds. While the Alliance strives to rebuild the galaxy a few planets at a time, it's a job that falls largely to the surviving and newly recruited Spectres - a job that keeps them apart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from ' _The End and the Beginning_ ' by Wisława Szymborska.

Jane Shepard sat at her desk, rubbing her left shoulder to ease the phantom pain from an injury that had long since healed, as she waited for her call to be patched through.

After what felt like an eternity, but was in reality only a couple of minutes, the com _bleeped_ and a moment later Kaidan's voice came through.

"Shepard? What's wrong?"

She smiled at the urgency in his tone. "Nothing's wrong."

"They told me it was an emergency."

She stared at the com's speaker, feeling guilty for worrying him, as she wished that he was there with her right now. "I just needed to hear your voice," she told him, a slight waver in her usually steady voice.

On the other end of the universe Kaidan let out a long breath, and with it any concerns he'd had before answering her call. "You had me worried, there."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," she replied softly.

She didn't say anything after that, not knowing where to begin, and Kaidan must have sensed she was at a loss for words.

"Oh, hey," he said, forcing cheer into his voice. "I picked up a little something for your cabin."

She smiled. He didn't even know _why_ she was so upset, and he was already trying to cheer her up. "What did you get me?"

"You haven't got a Geth Dreadnought, right?"

She glanced over at her racks of model ships. "No, just a Geth Cruiser."

"Good," he said, sounding audibly relieved. "Don't buy one."

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me," he told her.

"Yes there is."

"Okay, so, maybe there is." There was the sound of murmuring on the other end. "Shepard, I hate to rush this when we haven't spoken in weeks, but—"

Time. They'd wasted so much of it, worrying about fraternisation and inappropriate personal relationships, fighting over the means to the end, and generally being stubborn and holding grudges for far longer than friends should have.

"It's okay," she told him. "I understand."

"I've got two minutes."

"I finally caught up with that Batarian slave group we've been tracking," she said, finally getting to her reason for calling him. She paused, taking a breath before forcing herself to go on. "They blew themselves up instead of letting themselves be taken into custody."

"Well, a few less slavers in the universe is a good thing," Kaidan said.

"They had a number of slaves with them."

Kaidan was silent for so long that Shepard wondered if they'd been disconnected.

"Oh, Shepard, I'm sorry."

As the commanding officer, she had to keep it together. In private, though... Her voice cracked as she spoke. "I really wish you were here right now."

"I wish I could be there with you, too," he told her, longing filling his voice. "But, you know, I'm going to be on the Citadel in a few days. I have to make a report to the council, pick up some supplies. I'm sure I could arrange for some, ah, technical difficulties to keep us docked for another 24 hours, if you were going to be close enough to—"

"I won't be," she told him, sounding apologetic.

She wished she could make time to go to the Citadel – make time to see her _partner_ – but the war with the Reapers had damaged or destroyed the mass relays, all but cutting galaxies off from one another. Journeys that could once be completed in a matter of hours, now took days or even weeks. Slowly, the surviving Asari were doing their best to repair those relays in partial working condition but, until they were successful, many of the outer galaxies remained isolated. Only the inner galaxies were so far accessible by relay but, even there, crime rates had spiked.

"That's okay." Kaidan's voice betrayed his disappointment, but he knew they had their duties.

As Spectres, they and others were being kept busy. Their armies had been decimated, and after a raging war the last thing citizens wanted was to live under military rule. She and Kaidan had to help keep the peace, even at the expense of their relationship. It was what they had signed up for, after all.

But, at times like this, a small part of her wished that they could be selfish.

"Kaidan, about what you said... last time we were on the Citadel—"

"It's fine."

He was offering her an out. Whether for his sake or hers, however, she didn't know. But for _both_ their sakes, she refused to take it. "I didn't explain—"

"I didn't ask you to."

"No, you didn't," she agreed. She sighed wistfully. "You're a good man, Kaidan."

A self-conscious chuckle broke through the static and she could picture the soft smile tugging at his lips.

"I owe you an explanation," she told him, her voice full of resolve.

"Alright," Kaidan said carefully.

"We've been through so much, you and I, and I don't think I'd have gotten through it all without you by my side. I _love_ you."

"But not enough to marry me," he stated. He kept any trace of emotion from his voice, but Shepard knew he regretted her answer. He'd almost lost her at the Crucible - had thought her dead for ten days until she'd been pulled from the rubble, a hair's breadth from death. It shouldn't have surprised her when, reunited with her in the hospital, a spontaneous proposal had slipped out in between whispers of _'You're alive!'_ and _'I love you'_.

She'd been too drugged up to answer him at the time, and he hadn't brought it up again for several months. Eventually, during a quiet lunch at the newly re-opened Apollo's, he'd asked her again. Taking her hand, he'd looked her dead in the eye, and asked her, "Will you marry me, Shepard?"

She would never forget the look in his eyes when he said no. His eyes had grown steely, and cold, but he'd forced an understanding smile when she'd assured him that it didn't mean she wanted to end their relationship. He didn't doubt that she loved him but believed, in that moment, that she didn't love him as much as he loved her.

" _Too much_ to marry you," she corrected him, desperate to make him understand. "We haven't had an easy ride to get to where we are. I don't want to ruin that - mess with what we have - when it's taken so long to get it right."

He didn't say anything straight away, processing her words in the quiet way that was so _Kaidan_.

"Can you understand that?" she pressed, when waiting for his response became too much.

"I think I can," he started slowly. "What we have is so good - so _great_ \- that I don't want to do anything to risk losing you, either. If I thought... If I thought that marrying you might break us, I'd never have asked. Just know that I still love you, and I don't blame you for your answer." There was more murmuring on the other end, then Kaidan said, "I'm sorry, I _really_ have to go. Admiral Hackett's waiting on an update."

Time. It was infinite, yet they never had enough of it at the right moments. They shared a few, fleeting minutes together, then spent weeks, months, waiting for their next chance.

"It's okay," she assured him. She didn't expect Kaidan to keep the admiral waiting because she'd had a bad day. "We'll talk soon."

"Stay safe," he told her. It was the last thing he'd said to her before she'd gone to face the Reapers, and the last thing he had said every time since then.

"Kaidan?" She blurted out his name, wondering if - or hoping that? - he'd already signed off.

There was a hiss of static before he spoke again. "Yes?"

She paused before speaking. "Ask me again sometime."

She could hear the sound of Kaidan's breathing on the other end as she waited for him to respond.

"You got it," he said, with a smile in his voice.

Then the com clicked, and the connection was terminated.


End file.
